Gear Up

I think it FINALLY hit me. Mostly because it's really hot and that means summer is rolling in, but still. I should have thought of this a while ago. I need to seriously get my ass in gear. Yeah, I do 2 sports and there's marching band, but that isn't enough. Everyone has some of that "popular girl mocking themselves" in them (even if you're not a girl) and we mock ourselves. We call ourselves names. We put ourselves down so much that it can push us  to the edge. Sometimes the edge could be a good thing. The good edge can be called "The Wake Up Call." The bad edge can be called "Oblivion." Obviously, Oblivion is bad. We don't want to get there. My body (and mind) have, thankfully, hit The Wake Up Call. I realize I've needed this pretty badly. I used to be insanely skinny, like my friend, Moose, who's like a twig. Always has been. I sorta let myself go. I am admitting openly (without putting myself down) that I have gotten a bit chubby. I am going to admit, I don't like it. At all. Like I look in the mirror everyday, and there's the popular rotten girl. Let's call her The Joker (like batman). No one wants The Joker around because you're most likely going to die. So when The Joker is stuck in the glass room, She/He's ok, but still a danger to everyone with a conscience. Which is everyone. We need to shut out The Joker. The Joker is a cruel being inside of EVERYONE who, if truly gets to you, will push you to Oblivion. But, the person in your mind who saves you, let's call them Hero, brings you back up. Hero may bring you up with terrible realizations, but let's face it, honesty is much better than Oblivion. I, right now, am going to take a vow to go somewhere as often I can in the summer.

I remember I had so much motivation last year. I am upset to say that I know exactly why I had this motivation. It was a boyfriend. I wanted to be fit for him. I wanted to be skinny for him. I honestly used to workout in my room every night just to try and get muscle or stay skinny. I would walk halfway across my hometown just to go to his house. Now that he's out of my life (which i am kinda grateful for [douche]) I let myself go. I don't feel like I'm "eating my feelings" because of missing him or anything. I was actually the one who broke up with him. But I do realize, I have no motivation what so ever to go for a walk. To go to the park. to do anything really but sit here on my computer watching YouTube videos. I love YouTube, and so do many people, but I feel like it might be ruining my life. I need to cut back. I need to hang out with friends. I need to do something to get back in shape.

Let's face it, today is a realization day. At this, with this story and everything, think about your own life. Are you happy with who you are? I know I'm not satisfied, but I know what I have to do to adjust. So I'm gearing up for activities. I'm gearing up for life because let's face it, when I graduate high school, college (hopefully) will be the only thing on my mind. Sure, I'll make new friends, but I just hope that they'll keep me in line as well. Friends are your Coaches and/or Sidekicks. They can be a pain in the ass, but you know they'll always be there for you and they got your back.

Song of the Day: Something I Want by Grace Porter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-rQ-pXd82E
Snapple Caps: 63